LONELY HAPPINESS

ONE OF MY BIGGEST FEARS IN LIFE IS TO DIE ALONE.

I UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT THAT WE ARE ALL BORN ALONE SAYING, AND THAT WE'LL (DIE) LEAVING THIS WORLD ALONE AS WELL. WELL, THAT'S PARTIALLY TRUE FOR THE ONES BORN TWINS OR TRIPLETS AND SO FORTH.

AND ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE IT'S REALLY NOT THE CHRISTIAN WAY TO THINK OF DYING ALONE WHEN YOU HAVE GOD ON YOUR SIDE. RIGHT?

SEE I'VE THOUGHT IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH, BUT STILL AND NOW I AM AFRAID TO DIE ALONE. . .

MICHAEL JACKSON ONCE SAID " IF YOU ENTER THIS WORLD KNOWING THAT YOU ARE LOVED, AND YOU LEAVE THIS WORLD KNOWING THE SAME, THEN EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN BETWEEN CAN BE DEALT WITH." - MICHAEL JACKSON -

AS A CHILD TIL THE AGE FIVE NO QUESTION - SKIP TIL NOW AND I'M AMAZED AT HOW I'VE MANAGED THE EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN. IT'S SO TRUE THOUGH, IF I COULD HAVE SOMEONE A COMPANION LOVE ME AS HARD AS I THEM THEN LIFE TO ME WOULD BE HAPPINESS.

EVER HAVE SOMEONE ASK YOU WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE?

SOME ANSWER THE MONEY AND MATERIAL THINGS, AND HERE I AM JUST WANTING THE SIMPLE HAPPINESS. I TRIED TO GAIN IT, BUT IT'S TAKEN FROM ME EVERY TIME WITH NO CARE IN THE WORLD.

HAPPINESS..... HOPING TO LIVE IT BEFORE I DIE IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT.

The Shop

Last night helped my dad clean the shop! was alot of work, pero surely worth it for the new opening. ah! These last few dayz in kansas city mo/ks ive become more involved with my black side of the family!! we've come a long way and still goin strong!

line ups awready!

Washing My Hands

I don't find it strange that I hand sanatize every couple of minutes. I love that treat. My grandmother was a nurse so I assume i got it from her!! Thank You Granny! When I am in hospitals I tend to take extra long washing my hands because i have this idea that hospital hand soap isn't the daily household type therefore cleans better lol!! I've been in alot of hospitals lately. Although, that's not a good thing. *sighs* I love my family!

Eventhough my familia and I (both sides) go through ups and downs i kno that at the end of the day they will love me reguardless. (and I kno that can't be said for every household) so I understand I'm blessed.

If it's a friend or a girlfreind...they hate you they hate you. they dont' ever come around no more they never really forgive. They hang up in your face slap you, call you everything, drama, and pain and it just ends that way..... not with family!

So what does clean hands and retarded ass friends/relationships have in common.... probly nothing, but I am washing my hands clean of all those who have done me wrong. All those who stay on their mind frame of being unfair, and unkind. I know I am not perfect, but I could never cause someone to do cruel towards me. I'm extrmely humble, caring, nice hardworking ect.

*washing my hands*......CLEAN.

Gettin' IT off my Chest!

Sittin' back relaxxin' (finally) had a long scary, tripped out day! I'll just say I can't afford (health wise) to lose anymore family members especially a sibling. ...

anywho was thinkin bout how short life is and how i just want to be happy. no drama, no worries, no stress or pain! I just want to be good and at peace with love and life. Seems like that's still so hard for me to find these days. I give my all and still gutted! *smh* I guess I am stronger than I like to have known and that everything will eventually get better all the way around!.....


I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place... blah!
BlaXx-

MJ Sanity!

Some things never change thank GOD! Sitting here listening to Michael Jackson's music. It still soothes me at the most down spirling times in life! His voice says everything will be okay Jay. The lyrics explain how so! So with my headphones i stay bobin my head to the cords, the melody and his dance moves in my memories. By time I look up my smile has surfaced again! It's peaceful to know I have somehwere to run to in comfort. I run to God in prayer always, but in the moment of hearing and releasing it's Michael Jackson's music that keeps me safely sane!

WHY LOVE?

I WONDER HOW I GOT HERE WITH LOVE. I GUESS IT RAN ITS CORSE AND HAD ENOUGH OF MY CONFUSION, MY WAYS, MY MISUNDERSTANDINGS, MY ... LOVE.

IM HERE STANDING ALONE LEFT HELPLESS LIKE I USE TO TURN LOVE LOSE. IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND AND I AM JUST GETTING THE ROUGH END OF IT, BECAUSE I USE TO GIVE THE ROUGH END... OR SO I THINK!. LOVE SHOULDN'T TAP OUT, AND LOVE SHOULD BE HURTFUL OR SCARED. BUT SHE GIVES LOVE TO ME LIKE THAT, AND I TAKE IT BECAUSE MY HEART IS IN IT, PERO WHY? I VOWED TO NEVER BE IN THIS POSITION. I HATE IT! I HATE BEING UNLOVED.

- BLAXX-

I'M BACK!!!!!!

TAKING THIS MODELING INDUSTRY BY STORM!

YEP! 2011 IS MY YEAR! CRUZIAL CREATIONZ INC. MODELING IS GOING STRONG STILL AND THE GROUP OF MODELS DOWN WITH IT ARE THE BEST IVE HAD IN THIS WHOLE MODELING BUSINESS!

I SIGNED A YEAR LONG CONTRACT WITH MODEL PRODUCTIONS AND I AM EXCITED TO GET STARTED WITH THAT!

PHOTO BY ANTONIO RAVERA 2011