Thankful...pero It aint over yet!

I'm not the type of person to take thingz for granted because you'll never know when they could be gone. Only thing I took for granted was my health. Assured it was mine yesterday I got one hell of a scare when I had to go to the Emergency Room (ER) do to pain in my chest that I had been brushing off for a long time now. I've been diagnosed with Costochondritis since I was 15. A mild case that my doctor made me to believe would go away and I'm healthy again. So I never followed up after 2006 when an ambulance rushed me to a Texas hospital.

Now look at me. The situation is worse and more serious then I had imagined. Doctors did a series of test on me yesterday. Heart test, blood test, X-rays and further more a radioactive nuclear test to assure I had no blood clots in my lungs. I prayed laying there waiting for the results. I cried waiting to the results. I got angry at myself while waiting for the results. I missed my mother so much waiting for these results. I stress & worries too mucho, now look at my results. There is no written or known cause to the disability I have called Chronic Costochondritis, and doctors still can't rule out if I have Lupus or not yet. I'm just thankful to be here still today, and able to leave a piece of me behind before its too late. I know my battle with my health is far from over, pero God is Good! -Amen

Sumtymez...

People don't realize what they have until it's gone....
Thats just so fucking true...something so simple to grasp
actually holds all this damn meaning behind it!
I can claim my own doing and not be afraid about it...
I mean I now realize what I had and should have settled on that path I was giving
pero, we dont we get greedy and keep it moving...
So what if your on the end of the gone part...
when you've had enough and you can't get the person to realize
when all your energy put into the friendship or relationship is exhausting?
when you really believed in the person...to realize or change
when you tried everything to make shyt right?

I've tried and im done with the nonsence...and this goes out to more then one person nosy folXx
Im ready to excape again and be free willed again. when feelings were not felt
when emotions never held me back
when the thought of true happiness was so far up ahead that I shouldnt have even worried about trying to catch up! Im human and I'll connect one day with that other human that will help me continue in lyfe, love, & peace...
They can't never say I aint try & or that I haven't changed...

I alwayz say Im not the ONE!....
Im not that nukka to be just chillin while someone takes advantage
or I wont sit there in silence 4 the satisfaction to know ones moving on or baggage...
Im an alright stud ya dig, and I know Ive come along way to make the right woman happy...

I've found out that my seXx is better then I brag about...
I wanted to see that as someone that I wasn't no more you know the old me...
pero shyt maybe I should give myself more credit ha!
Im not cocky, not full about myself.....
pero you know I'm THAT nukka on THAT side of the spectrum.
I'm game to play the way otherz may...to make them realize who I am,
and WHO they shouldnt have taken for granted... I love it!
I love me....mas then them pero neva mas the jesus!
amen jay amen BlaXx....
Tejas here I come re-born again!

R.I.P. Selina (mjfan)

It's crazy to think that in this world we get attached or come across so many different people, and if you're not a regular internet person you wouldn't understand how feelingz can easily gain expression and concern through the cyber world. I first became a Michael Jackson fan alone, and when i discovered on the internest that there were so many more like me it became a place of peace and happiness that only MJ fanz could understand!
I have a few mjfan freindz in london and I care for them alot!
R.I.P. to selina a london friend i gained over the past 4yrz on myspace and mjsites...You will be missed guh!
Gone Too Soon!
BlaXxIcaN - ya mj amigo!

Gone Too Soon - Michael Jackson

We've Already Had Enough!

I can not believe this is the world in which we say we live in and love.

Not just america, but our entire world.

Guh Bye!

I didn't do it for you
and i didn't do it for her
but i did it for me
me and my happiness
cause noone cares i guess
made the decision to follow my path
to leave yaw stuck here to claim the math
who had mas amor
who had the control
who fucked better
yah yah yah!
you've taken it to far...
so when im outa mind & outa sight
make sure that you sleep tonight
becuase ill be doin what i do best
and basiclly its better then rest you test
Im taken the stage now and Im gown about it
thingz are the way they are now
because thats how they fit
your life aginst mine
and hers aginst mine
and me aginst you both
and im not tripin i coast
Im peace. im firm , cautious and seXxy
to think the next bitch who test me
gon miss me even more
shoulda known what you was lookin for...
Jay-

BOTDF...hmm?

Blood on the Dance Floor?
I love the song, and lawd knowz I love blood, but what about the message?
I really won't recomend anyone to dare whos trying to make shyt official. if your out on a midnight strool drunk looking for pussy then yea maybe. Why do those dayz seemd so missed when I'm older wiser and more on to the shyt dat Karma can play?
I've decided I wanted to be the old me again and not open up again til I ont want no Susie. caught the eye, tempted my fellings and lusted the kiss....maybe I should. It feels great! becuz in the end it's not about love and romance...and now...

Blood On The Dance Floor - Michael Jackson